I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
