i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
