im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
