YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Your dad touched me again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
