she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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