in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
