Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
