why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm really busy with my period
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