I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
