FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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