i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize