dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
