Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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