my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize