I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
