I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
