You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Everyone says I win the strip club
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
