i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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