He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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