don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
