Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
