I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
