They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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