currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
