where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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