I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
