Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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