I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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