He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
