We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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