last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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