evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
