Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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