I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
