everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
