Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
