Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am one with the molecules
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
