God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You have to summon your inner elephant
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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