Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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