Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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