as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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