I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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