Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
vagina is talking i cant
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
