God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
