I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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