This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize