i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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