she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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