yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
