Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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