Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize