i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ladies don't puke and tell
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
