my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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