there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
