Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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