I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
