I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
