You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
