I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
