i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
