New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
