At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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