Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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