u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
