Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
