Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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