My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
