Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
