I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
