Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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