The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
