I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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