all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
