I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
